I’ve always given the introvert in me a lot of attention and respect. She has asked for many things over the years, and when she doesn’t get her way she has a fit, her brain melts, her attitude is rotten, she is easily distracted, noisy, and becomes a nuisance. For years she made the rules for example, she warned me: “If you participate in two public events in a row, you better give me two days of rest, research, relaxation, time for hobbies, long quiet times, quiet walks, and opportunities for conversation without conflict or drama.”
She would boss the extrovert in me around, and make her sit quietly with art supplies and large stacks of books by a sunny window with beautiful music playing in the background, interrupted only by well behaved and precious children, who just want to cuddle up with books and kittens.
The introvert in me is a strong woman who loves to bring order out of chaos, and she’s great at delegating all the busywork to everyone else. She’s also the girl that orders salads and says no to cheesecake. She doesn’t like driving much, and feels her best when she’s by a warm fire crocheting afghans and listening to Ted Talks. She sees what the world should be, and constantly ponders how to make it so. She’s patient and wants to be be well prepared for whatever comes her way, seeking to control whatever comes her way, creating the future she envisions, at the heart of her home, welcoming others in, but hesitant to venture out. She is pained by the disorder and opts for her comfort zone where she dreams up alternative worlds.
She’s gone. Did she starved to death a couple weeks ago? Maybe she hibernated and I haven’t heard from her since. She’s no longer fighting for her quiet, space, focus and thinking time. What happened to her? Six weeks ago I answered my life’s calling and stepped out of my comfort zone, and she simply didn’t come with me.
Maybe she just couldn’t stand the risk taking, all the people, the excitement, the collaboration, the long hours on the road, the purposeful yet hard work. She remains silent as the active and busy extrovert who has such a strong sense of urgency and calling, takes a stand. Why is she silent? She used to fight to pour over her books or crochet endless blankets so she could keep her hands busy, busy, busy, while she thinks, thinks and thinks.
The introvert had so many things to study, research and think about that she was driven to carve out that individual time for personal growth and vision development. But something happened. There was a calling and the extrovert answered it. She got up an incredible amount of courage to say yes to a dream she had been pushing down year after year. The extrovert stuck the sourdough starter in the fridge and got to work, like the sky was falling and she had to help prop it up.
So, the extrovert pops awake at 6am and dives into the day, she has a calendar, she makes her own coffee, and she still makes time for conversations with the King of Kings, who called her. She is focused on His calling and that calling isn’t one she can pursue from the comfort of home. She no longer fears failure, risk, loss, or the unknown. She just feels pulled into the hope of a calling. The one the introvert had been researching all these years.
She has boundless energy and suddenly looks forward to connecting with her team for a couple hours each morning, and then she smiles and laughs with the tribe of kids who are happily sleeping in on weekdays and starting late on breakfast, school, work and chores. She is just as good at delegating as the introvert, but has total different goals.
The introvert was delegating so many things just to free herself up to make time for reflection, relaxation and research. The extrovert delegates too, but to support her purpose and vision in doing the work to reach the world. The extrovert isn’t as addicted to comfy clothing, and cares a little more about her style, she doesn’t mind driving, in fact last week she took me on a five city tour, and hosted a birthday party after arriving home. The extrovert doesn’t just delegate to go off alone, she brings her family with her into the calling, and they thrive.
The extrovert appreciates the world the introvert so thoughtfully created, but she’s doing a terrible job keeping it up to the same standards. Yet she is so productive that she’s finding ways to outsource the things she has no time for. The extrovert is courageous, she loves getting to the next place on time without rushing the moment. She is focusing on one thing at a time, she is people centered, and awake, and aware of everything but the voice of the introvert who once ruled her world.
The extrovert didn’t even notice the introvert was gone, until the weekend came and there was a day with nothing on the schedule.
She felt unsatisfied for a moment, not knowing what to do. She looked at the yarn basket, the book shelf, the pile of clothing waiting to be folded up and put away, she thought about her sourdough starter. And then she ordered Chinese food, rounded up a ten of her kids and had lunch. After that she told the kids to clean their rooms and round up the livestock, that got out of their pasture. She no longer felt the need to relax, reflect and research by the fire.
And she paused, took a drive, and wondered how she ever overcame the pull of the introvert to protect four days of the week for reading, cooking, baking, studying, thinking, creating and crocheting? She stopped to think about it.
For the past 30 years the introvert with her insatiable thirst for focus and thought has been the dominant voice in the relationship, and now she has nothing to say, she’s not pitching a fit.
And now she speaks, and so softly
she says “I worked all these years, building this platform, protecting your time, giving you focus so that you could study, learn, prepare and research while nurturing your family to maturity. I fought to keep you undistracted by all the opportunities out there so you could build up your character and knowledge. I knew your calling, and I knew that one day you would have to step outside your comfort zone to pursue it. I was determined to discipline you so that you would not lose your focus. You had a calling so great that that a foundation had to be built within the framework of a quiet life. Now that I have built this firm foundation all these years, I gracefully step aside and yield to my extrovert who has what it takes to bring this calling and vision into the world. And because this introvert knows how to be still, be quiet, and give way, you can step into the calling for which you were prepared.”
