adoption

A Roomy Quiver: Perspective on Motherhood

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

This is from a Facebook post back in 2015. Additionally blessed to see how God continued to give us more “arrows”!

I am so blessed. I see all my kids growing up and becoming so wonderful. Yes they make mistakes, yes they act their age, but what beautiful hearts they have. I am so happy that I was willing to receive each one into my family.

A lot of people are asking me if I am done, as if that would be a quick and logical choice at this point. I think that the decision to say, “God, please do not use my life to create another human soul, that lives forever” is the hardest choice any couple could ever make. Why is this choice so logical for so many Christian families? I see what a gift and blessing and precious investment into eternity I am entrusted with.

These children are not mine, as if I have them for my own fulfillment. They come from God and are his treasures, His gifts, for His purpose. I am older now, nearly forty; but I feel 26. I am happy with ten. I am so content. I look forward to being a grandma in the next decade. I am happy with where I am… But is it all about me?

I am so blessed. Maybe Leah is my last. I am so privileged. I still hope to even care for orphans in my home too. I am made for this. I want to live life now to invest in eternity, and I know what that looks like. I love having a big family. For everyone who feels confident and content with their chosen number, blessings to you! God has a great plan for every family and I am happy for all who told me this week “Ten? Good for you but I’m done!”

I guess I have a roomy quiver. Every child is a gift and blessing, and I just feel so blessed that I didn’t feel like my family was big enough when Estera came along. I am not putting down families of 4 or 5, you are blessed! It is just that SO many people keep asking me if I am done and boasting that they are, like it is something to be happy about. It is such a priceless gift to be a mommy! More than that, I am deeply loved as a wife. What a blessing to have a happy marriage. What a beautiful example my husband is to our kids in teaching them what love and grace look like.

Some wonderful tools for your journey as a mom can be found here.

Parenting Through Trauma | The Bridge That Can’t Be Burned

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

I’m parenting a lot of teens! It’s going pretty well. Having teens with early childhood trauma is a whole different experience! But we are really focusing on a parenting style called “Therapeutic Parenting” and learning a lot from others who have been down this road before.

If you have a friend who is parenting a child that lost their biological parents and perhaps biological siblings, be compassionate and extra kind. They are doing the world’s hardest job, and probably feel like they are drowning in teen hormones, trauma behaviors, thrill seeking drive, and lack of self regulation.

We are out here doing the hard stuff to rescue the hurting kids out of terrible places and we need grace. And we need to be careful to stay connected, seek help, and also help the teens to build healthy relationships with mentors who can speak truth, hope and words of healing into their lives…

But if you are that mentor, learn this: when these kids become comfortable with an adult or mentor, it gets messy. Deep down they don’t feel safe when they are safe, they were hurt by the adults who should have been their protection.

Building lasting relationships is very hard. It’s a ton of work for the parents and mentors, because it’s almost impossible to build a healthy relationship with a person who is not honest about who they are and what they need.

Deep down they are afraid that you will abandon them too, and the relationship is “too good to last”. If they trust you, you might see a window into their secret hurting heart, and you might become traumatized by their trauma. Why? Because you want to be a healing place, and you are not feeling like you are successful. You feel like you’re seeing more harm than good.

You gotta understand it’s not your fault they are still hurting! They may even try to convince you that it’s your fault they are still hurting. If you really loved and accepted them they would be happy by now!!! Right? Wrong!

They may also try to convince you, as the mentor, that their adopted parents are just like the ones who abandoned them and left them hurt and hungry. Yes you look around and see a loving family and safe home surrounding the child. You feel confused.

When they start to let the light in, when they start to let you in… the dark memories rise to the top like bubbles that need to pop or drift away.

Their past memories can feel just like the present when they come to the surface!

It is in these moments they begin the process of confiding, sharing, opening up, and it can scare you – if you are not aware. They may want to share their memories of hurts that happened 12 years ago… as if it happened yesterday, and when they do they want to be heard, comforted and assured that it’s not their fault and it won’t happen again. They are safe in their new family.

One little girl told her teacher that she was sad because her mommy hurt her really bad. CPS took the child away from that loving family. It was very traumatic for the child. Later when they evaluated the initial conversation it turns out that the little girl was telling her teacher about the biological mom that she had recently lost before coming into foster care. Happens all the time!

If the child is pouring out their deep pain and hurts to you as the friend or mentor, how do you know they are safe? They seem to be in the depths of distress! They are obviously hurting right now!

How can a child act like this if they are safe and loved?

Simple. When a child with trauma feels safe enough to reveal past pain they have to face that pain and go through the process of grieving that loss and letting go of the fear associated with that loss, reliving the shame, pain and abandonment. Reliving the day the police took them away from mommy–and mommy is mommy no matter what she did or did not do.

No child is equipped to handle this process. And you probably are not equipped either. I know I’m often taken by surprise and have my own doubts and fears rising as they relive their sorrow. Confusion seems to rule in these moments.

They are exploding or imploding. Are they actually safe right now? Is this a child who just needs a second chance with a better family?

Think about the process the current family went through to adopt or foster. Think about what you believe to be true about your friends who are raising a child with trauma, think about all the interviews, home studies, house calls, and counseling that the adoptive parents have chosen to endure to love and rescue this child.

There are foster parents and adoptive parents who are in over their heads or have issues.

Thank them for their sacrifice.

Childhood hurts run deep, the scars don’t fully heal. So what should we do? I’m learning! I’m looking for tips. I’m happy to share what I’ve learned from gloppy floppy failing, buttery success and tiny glimmers of progress.

If you are successfully helping, befriending, sheltering, assisting, counseling or investing in a person with trauma of any age, there’s s good chance the whole relationship will crumble within one to three month and they will run.

Why? Too close for comfort. They feel better with new relationships that have not seen their struggles, ugly truths, past mistakes, past hurts, and scarred heart. Will you stick with them when the bomb explodes? Will you not be blown to bits, and then run for your life? Will you stand on the other side of the bridge they set on fire?

This is hard stuff friends, and maybe you don’t have what it takes. Lots of well meaning people adopt a child and a year or two later that little child’s face appears on the “Second Chance Adoption” website. Some of these kids are only four or five years old!!! But their adoptive parents couldn’t keep putting out the fires and couldn’t keep the knives out of reach, and couldn’t save the dog, and couldn’t imagine another trip to the ER or another well meaning neighbor’s call to CPS. Yeah. It’s harder than we all imagine. They are just kids! And all kids need is love and safety. No. They don’t. Give those parents grace too, even if they had to make the painful choice to give up the child to a family that is better equipped.

We are doing our best to stick around. When they are lighting fire to the bridges, we build new bridges. We find a better hiding place for weapons of mass disruption. We keep our little biological children close, and our adopted kids closer. And we keep our marriage strong.

We adopted five at once. The oldest took off the day she turned 18, and never bonded in the very short time with us. The other four are experiencing all the beauty of adolescence right now.

It actually takes two full time parents around the clock and other brave adults stepping in when we need a break. My husband and I are blessed to both work from home and involve our children in our jobs as part of their schooling, just to keep an eye on them. We read mountains of books, and fail anyway, because whoever wrote that book didn’t know what my kid would do.

Thankfully we kinda sorta have what it takes, and we are about to celebrate five years. Though one currently is going through the “you are not my real mom and dad” phase… again. And one has been sneaking, lying, stealing, and experimenting with common teenage behaviors… and one is best friends with every attractive stranger who reminds the child of the bio mom or bio sister they lost… we are trying and most of all we love them so dearly. They are ours. But right now, we are having a really good week! On vacation giving them 100%. They wish we were always on vacation, like when they were with their summer hosting families who gave them unrealistic expectations for adoption!

When it’s too hard for us, it’s not too hard for The Father above. When we don’t know what to say or do, we turn it over to Our Redeemer who sacrificed Himself that I could be adopted into the Family of God. And when it’s hard to bear their pain and see their hurts, and be around when the bridges go up in flames, I remember who I am. I am just like them. And Jesus is the Bridge that can’t be burned.

Mom of 15 is Ready to Talk About Teenagers! “I’ve had 12! People were wrong about what to expect!”

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

I’m a Mom of 15, and most of my kids are teenagers now.

I have three littles ones. The rest are 13 and up. It’s a lot of fun! I can’t tell you how much I love having a house full of teens!

My kids are smart, funny, resourceful, kind, and responsible. They have great personalities and are using their talents to do cool things in the world.

They love each other, their parents, and God.

When my kids were little, people used to say “Just wait until they’re all teenagers!” Like it was going to be this horrible thing. I feel like we did something right. I think it’s been investing in them, loving them, and planting good seeds. We’re an example of what we want them to become.

Our kids are amazing and they bring so much joy. Our life is full and busy. Every day is a party. They are so much fun and bring me so much joy!

I am so proud of who my children have become.

For a while, I didn’t want to speak up about raising kids because I didn’t know how mine were going to turn out. I was hesitant to share my parenting strategies. So many stories out there about people who were showing off their parenting skills with elementary-aged kids who went nuts as teens!

I was worried my kids would rebel as teens and make a fool of me. Why? Cause that’s what everyone was saying! I was believing I could plant good seeds, pull the weeds and give my children a life like a well tended garden… and I believed they would thrive as teens and beyond.

So many people said it doesn’t matter how you raise your kids in the end, once the world and pop culture suck them in… my kids are kinda dominating pop culture 😂😂😂😂 and being smart, wise and kind!!!

Don’t miss my daily episode of “30 Seconds at Sarah’s House.” What to expect when you are a mom of 15 and all but three kids have hit the teen years!

Most of my kids are about a year apart, some closer! What’s it like now that most of them are teenagers? A bunch of my kids were adopted from Ukraine when they were 6 to 16! We tried our best to read a lot of books, took a couple parenting classes and now we are finding out what it’s like to parent teens and young adults!

I have a lot to say and share. Follow me on YouTube to see my family in action. I hope it inspires you in your parenting journey.

Two Are Better Than One

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

Companionship is such a precious gift. Friendship, family, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, husband and wife.

We need others.

I was just reading the words of Solomon today and thinking about how damaging it can be for so many young adults who are sent off alone to college, and they end up becoming so lost, distant from all familiar connections at a time when they are so highly influenced.

And we wonder why our child struggles so deeply with truth, identity, connection and boundaries.

I don’t think that humans were designed to be severed from their families and communities like this.

Of course most people in our culture think this is somehow healthy and right and it builds up independence. But sometimes the drive for independence is a one way ticket down Lonely Street.

The words of Solomon:

There is one who is alone,

without companion son nor brother.

Yet there is no end to all his labors.

Nor is his eye satisfied with riches.

But he never asks ‘For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?’

This also is vanity and a grave misfortune.

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, But how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:8-12

I’m so thankful that my daughters have each other and have close friends that they adventure with, work with, go on missions with and serve with.

I’m so thankful that my son and his sweet wife Rita have been companions and have been together when most young adults do things like college, first jobs, immigration, missions and travel alone. I love that they have each other.

I’m so thankful that I lived near Josh all through his college years, his parents asked us to wait until after college to get married, so I found a way to move to a town near his school so we could spend time together and be there for each other, and go to the same church.

I’m so thankful that Anna invited me to be her companion on her trip to Israel. She felt called to go fast and pray in the Judean Desert before going back to Dallas with Rachel to launch His Story The Musical. Today we are learning Jerusalem and going to the place where Jesus spent 40 days fasting.

In times we must go out alone, Jesus is our companion if we receive Him. In times we are called to go alone God brings us companions along the way. But if you are going alone, or if you are sending your child out alone- beware- send them because it’s a calling or a mission and they have been prepared to be cut off from everyone and everything familiar. Don’t just send them out alone because that’s what is normal in our society. Just because it’s normal it doesn’t mean it’s right, good, healthy, natural or in your child’s best interest.

Don’t send them out alone because it’s the default, or because society obligates you to do so. Is it what is really best?

My daughter Anna waited until Rachel turned 18 before she moved out at 21, so she and her sister could go together. They went to Mexico, Dallas, New York and came back to Indiana for a while. Then Rachel came home for 6 months while Anna traveled with other sisters and friends. Esther moved to Oahu, and lives with a friend who is a wonderful companion, like a sister, so blessed. And she visits us multiple times each year.

I just want to encourage the parents who have a heart to set their child on a path unlike the default. I know that a lot of people agree with the idea of launching their kids early into far off places alone, and maybe that’s your child’s calling. Just pray that companionship is part of their story too. Loneliness leads to all kinds of dark places and it’s a big reason for depression, and most young adults in our culture struggle with depression. Does anyone ask why?

We need companions, sisters, brothers, best friends, spouses, mothers and fathers, cousins and partners. Not phones. Phones can never take the place of people.

Be a companion. Be the one who lifts up another when they fall. Be the one who keeps the other warm. Be the one who labors for others. Be the one who enjoys life’s rewards with others. Be that person who loves, forgives, heals, encourages and works hard to make someone else’s life rich and full.

Be the one who is that friend!

And if you want to be sure that your children are never lonely – have more kids, have them close together, adopt a sibling group, or a couple orphans around the same age who have no one.

Filling your life with children is only hard for a short time, but the blessings are endless.

Meet the Brown Family!

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / 3 Comments

Josh and Sarah met at 13 & 14. Sarah fell in love instantly, Josh figured out that she was his destiny a few years later.

Sarah was an Unschooler and Josh was an over achiever in a public school, but spent all his spare time studying aviation and technology. He considers himself a weekend “unschooler”. Date nights for Josh and Sarah often included an airplane and a dinner in a neighboring state!

After high school Sarah moved to Hungary, Austria and Russia. Josh went to Embry Riddle Aeronautical University to study his passion.

They had a long distance relationship for most of the seven years before getting married at ages 20 & 21. They spent their first three months of marriage backpacking in Europe. Ten months after the wedding Isaac was born and the parenting experiment began.

Here is Isaac’s YouTube channel: https://youtube.com/@isaacbrownmedia

Fourteen months later Anna joined the party, and started throwing monkey wrenches into every ordinary occasion. At age 8 her parents found out she had Dyslexia and that’s when Sarah created DyslexiaGames.com – Anna is a “Super Creator” Here’s Anna’s latest project, scroll down for her “Red Chair Interview: HisStoryTheMusical.com

Fourteen months later Estera graced the world with her presence, and has been lighting up the lives around her ever since. Here’s Esther’s instagram account. She’s 21 now, a photographer living in Hawaii: https://instagram.com/estherscanon

Eighteen months passed before the “Negotiator” came on the scene. At first it was assumed she would become a political figure or criminal defense attorney. Nope. Rachel is an artist and figure skater. Check out her art and adventures: https://instagram.com/rach.charity.brown

Almost two years passed before Naomi joined the Girl Gang. Her first word was probably “Horse” her first phrase was probably “I want a puppy”. She now runs a dog hotel, dog accessories shop, and has a few horses.

Welcome to Seeking Hound Dog Shop: https://instagram.com/seekinghoundco

Another little sister filled the world with wonder, and made her genius status obvious to all by age three. A mastermind, world traveler and deep thinker who hides behind paint and canvas. She recently became the family’s chef. At age 16 she occasionally posts a thing or two on Instagram. Looks like she has a store on Instagram: https://instagram.com/autumns.brush

Lovely Laura arrived with the spring flowers and became a very naughty little instigator as soon as she could walk and talk. She was one of those kids who preferred animals over people until about age 12. She’s the expert on endangered species and tropical birds. Today she has more “best friends” than we can count, suddenly a “people person” with a big heart. She’s not on Instagram yet. Maybe she will be when she’s 16. But here are all her books on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=laura%20janisse%20brown…

Laura loves acting and plays Alexander Hamilton in this skit: https://youtu.be/_MMIN6A0dVE

Joe came next. A ten pound baby brother who wanted to be a YouTuber at age 3. So he started YouTubing as “The Littlest Blogger” in preschool. If you met Joe at age four he would have been wearing a suit, holding a calculator. He would tell you that he’s a scientist and Math-Man. He’s 13 now. He added many videos to my channel. Here’s one of his early videos about HOW to TEACH MATH to kids: https://youtu.be/xJBLH9aE6-8

Ember was her daddy’s idea. After Joe turned two Josh started wishing for another baby. Little Ember Rose was born in Italy in 2012. She is a lover of the great outdoors, a naturalist, always researching the plants and animals in her environment.

Leah was God’s idea. Surprise! The best gift that could ever be given. She came along two years later. It was during the last couple months of her pregnancy that Sarah decided it would be a good time to take a break from homeschooling. At age 39 Sarah just wanted to take time to treasure her youngest baby. She had a feeling Leah might be her last baby. So Sarah created a collection of Homeschooling Curriculum Journals that would provide six weeks to a full semester of homeschooling prompts, with minimal effort from mom. Fun-Schooling journals have been rolling out ever since. And Leah, now 8, is the family’s storyteller and comedian.

When Leah was six weeks old the whole family moved to Ukraine. It was while volunteering at a local orphanage that the family met a sibling group and felt a calling to adopt. A year and a half later five more kids joined the Brown Tribe, and Isaac, the oldest son, now 19, was married to Rita, his Ukrainian sweetheart.

The adopted children were ages 6 to 16. They didn’t speak English, but quickly learned. The oldest sister moved back to Ukraine the day she turned 18, after assuring us from day one of the adoption that returning to her village was her dream. The four younger children, Lilly, Alex, Abby and Christina bonded beautifully with their new siblings, and have been taking their time adjusting to the idea of having parents.

Eventually Chrissy learned to read English and discovered her passion for books, especially historical fiction and all things Amish, and Hobby #2, volley ball.

Abigail developed a love for crafting, pottery and jewelry making.

Alex picked up a guitar, a skateboard, and a camera and developed a passion for extreme sports.

Lilly is simply everyone’s best friend, engaging in anything and everything her big sisters are doing.

The family loves to free-range around the planet. The world is their classroom. It’s not uncommon for Brown teens to hop on a plane to go after adventure, a mission or a dream overseas- with or without parents or siblings.

The family now lives on 22 acres in Indiana and have turned the property into a homeschooling campus where each member of the family is free to craft a dream, start a business, tap a maple tree, sharpen a skill, plant a garden, raise a critter, spark a romance, toss a ball, or follow a butterfly.

Five Precious Children, No Longer Orphans

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / 2 Comments

Just came across these precious pictures from the year we met Lilly, Alex, Abby, Chrissy and Elizabeth while teaching art and music at their orphanage. The children were ages 6 to 16 when they became part of our family. They are now 11 to 21 the oldest is out on her own now.

I remember how I just knew they were mine from the beginning, and felt so sure everything would work out for us to adopt them. We didn’t know if we could even get approval to adopt five kids, but we had faith and were willing to work through so many challenges to bring them home.

Adopting older kids is never easy. I had no idea how hard it really would be. They had been through so much before coming to us, and healing from trauma and loss is a life long journey. Some hurts never really heal, some memories never fade, some pain never stops throbbing. No child should ever have to suffer the loss of their mother, and no one can ever replace her. It’s been an especially hard road for our oldest adopted daughter who moved back to Ukraine on her 18th birthday. She just turned 21and needs a lot of prayer right now.

She was only with us a little more than a year and we couldn’t even speak the same language during much of that time, I couldn’t be what she needed. She needed her mom, and her mom was sick, poor and dying in another country.

It breaks my heart that my daughter carries this pain and I wish I could be part of her healing, but trying to reach her just causes her more pain.

The mom hole in the heart of a person who has lost their biological mom is so deep. Now my precious daughter is a mommy herself, expecting another child.

And the mom hole is as deep as the distance between our hearts right now.

I haven’t had a clue how to be the support she needs, and we both know it.

Have patience Sarah! Give her space! Don’t worry!

I may have more patience than the average woman, my kids have trained me well, but there’s a fight in me to have no rest until all my kids are safe. I have faith but the reality is bleak! Trauma makes safety feel scary. And there’s a fight in the hearts of people with trauma to flee the feeling of safety.

It’s really hard for kids who have lost their moms to ever trust again, when they start to open their hearts and feel comfort, peace, love, safety and affection… it’s fight or flight. And it’s not pretty.

I’ve read a lot of books, taken a parenting course for those who adopt kids with trauma, we have been in family therapy… but it just feels like a year together in one home, not speaking the same language is no foundation for mothering.

Just sharing my heart. We need prayer.

But the other four, it’s tough with a couple of them but we have so many victories! They may have a lot of symptoms of RAD and trauma but they love me dearly, they come to me for comfort and affection and we talk. Their hearts have opened up and they are feeling safe and happy most of the time. They are becoming more and more joyful and are overcoming their barriers daily.

We are working through a book on Therapeutic Parenting and wish we had found it when we first adopted.

Celebrating 5 years since adopting!