priorities

The Clean House Diet

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

Managing house for a big family is not an easy task! Losing the baby fat is something we would rather not talk about. But let’s talk. I want to tell you about a weight loss and house cleaning experiment I learned about after the birth of my 7th child. I always gain two things with every baby – 40 pounds and an even MESSIER house. I know I’m not alone.

I know that this may seem odd, but I believe that the answer to perfect housekeeping is also the answer to losing the extra pounds! That’s why I call this method “The Clean House Diet”!

Here’s the KEY: Just do what comes naturally – to someone else.
You have to think like the “naturally” skinny girl with a “naturally” clean house.

Okay, Okay, you think this woman doesn’t have any babies, and certainly not 5 or 10 of them… but honestly the clean house diet works for anyone. The Skinny Girl knows how to stay fit naturally, what’s her secret? The Tidy Girl with the clean house, seems to be a natural too.

What do they know that you don’t? I bet Skinny Girl learned to say “pass the carrots” when she was two, and Tidy Girl never had to be told to clean up her toys. Is it too late for the rest of us to learn their tricks?

You see, the best way to lose the extra pounds is very simple! You just follow Skinny Girl everywhere she goes, and do exactly what she does. Eat only what she eats. No more, no less. In a matter of time you will also be a Skinny Girl (unless you are a guy–in which case you would not be a “Skinny Girl”– you would be a weirdo and a stalker!).

Most American women have two BIG obstacles in life: The messy house that won’t stay clean and the extra 10 (or 20 or 40) pounds that won’t stay off.

Well, I have had an excuse for being chubby at times, and I have had an excuse for having a messy house at times. It’s a very legitimate excuse… when I’ve had a new baby, and the other six kids are really “crafty” and “playful”.

When I was a teen my parents were always trying out some new diet… “Summer’s coming–we need to look good, so let’s all lose some weight!” So my parents would buy the latest dieting book, and work really hard for three months, and quickly return to old habits.

Housekeeping was just the same…“Company is coming–the house needs to look good, so let’s clean the house!” Then we would all spend three hours cleaning, and after the company left, the house would quickly return to the former condition.

My parents eventually found a diet they could live with called “The Rotation Diet”. It was much more fun than “The Grapefruit Diet” and the “Cabbage Diet” and the “Protein Diet”!

The Rotation Diet went something like this:

Eat like you are on a diet for a few days. That means check labels for fat and calories. Then eat whatever you want for a few days without looking at labels. Wait a few days and eat the low calorie diet food again, and then the yummy food, then the diet food, and then the yummy stuff, yummy stuff, yummy stuff. Continue the pattern until you are skinny… but most people never get skinny or stay skinny for long. We all loved the diet – it was fun and easy. It made us feel good. But when it was time to go to the beach in the summer we were not happy with the results.

I eventually got married and moved out of my parents house (I highly recommend this! ). For years my house keeping methods resembled “The Rotation Diet!” Clean house, messy house, clean house, messy house, messy house, messy house! I wasn’t happy with the results.

When we don’t like the results we say the method or the diets didn’t work. So we give up dieting and just try to dress in such a way as to hide the fat. It’s all about wearing carefully designed clothing to give us girls the appearance of looking skinnier than we really are. HIDE the FAT! It’s about hiding some areas, drawing attention to others and using colors, patterns and deceptive techniques to reduce the appearance of the problem areas. This technique ALSO comes in handy when you want to pretend like you have a clean house! HIDE the MESS. It’s all about having a carefully designed house complete with many junk drawers, closets full of hidden junk, and entire rooms that company will never see.

You see, I have always enjoyed the liberty that came with having a messy house, much like I enjoy the benefits of apple pies, ice cream, steak, fries, and buttery pastries. I like the freedom to be creative, do projects, make big meals, and let the kids play freely all over the house, and I liked to clean up the grand old mess when I felt like it (and I don’t often feel like it!). So I would clean up when we knew that company was coming and I would try to make the place “look clean and pretty” at the end of the day. The kids and I would have a least one cleaning frenzy per day at about 5pm, right before dinner. We were masters of the “Ten Minute Tidy” in much the same way that some girls are masters of the “lose 5 pounds of water weight by Friday”. And then after tucking in the kids I would finish cleaning the kitchen and livingroom before bed.

Recently my parents finally discovered The Skinny Girl’s natural secret to fitness. They lost the weight and they are keeping it off! The greatest part? They have not eliminated the need for hot apple pie, or ice-cream. It’s like a dream. It seems that they found out about a lady who followed a skinny girl around for a week or so and did all the things she did, ate all the things she ate and learned how to think like a skinny girl. You see being skinny comes naturally to some people. The rest of us have to find out the skinny girl’s secrets and put the plan into action. The real way to stay skinny is to live like the people who are naturally skinny!

Here is Skinny Girl’s Diet secret. She does these three things and stays skinny:

  1. She eats ONLY when she is hungry. (Not when she is bored, lonely, or passing by a Girl Scout with Thin Mints)
  2. She stops as soon as she FEELS satisfied, not stuffed. (Her mom didn’t force her to clean her plate, she doesn’t feel the need to eat the whole candy bar, but saves some for later).
  3. She listens to her body, she eats what she is in the MOOD for. (Yes, even if she want ice-cream!)

Since dieting and housekeeping have so much in common I decided to try the Skinny Girl method on my house, before trying it on my body. I decided that in order to keep my whole house clean I would need to find a “Tidy Girl” who keeps her whole house clean ALL THE TIME. I would learn her secret and do what she does. Just like my parents followed the example of the Skinny Girl.

Guess what? I couldn’t find a “Tidy Girl” with my personality, with seven children, and a house with twelve rooms! So I chose an older “Tidy Gal” lady whose house always looks beautiful! She’s retired, has a large home, one cat, one gold fish, one husband, and one cleaning lady. Nothing is ever out of place in that house, ever. She can make a meal for a dozen people and her kitchen stays spotless the entire time.

When I visit her with all seven kids there is still no mess! But there are no art projects, no games with lots of pieces, and the kids stay out of the kitchen unless they are washing their hands. When we visit, the kids sit quietly in front of the TV, or they play in the backyard. Wherever the children go she follows and picks up the crumbs. She never stops moving, cleaning and picking up little things – she even picks up tiny things like pebbles on the doorstep. She lines up the kids to wash hands before and after every snack time. Tidy Gal keeps everything that looks messy or fun out of reach! I watched. I learned. I tried this at home.

Here are my “Tidy Gal” observations. She naturally does three things:

  1. She has a place for everything, everything stays in it’s place.
  2. She cleans up immediately and she doesn’t move on to a new activity if the other one is not cleaned up.
  3. If she sees something out of place, or notices “a yucky” on the floor she deals with it at that EXACT moment.

Tidy Girls naturally do these things and wonder why the rest of us don’t. They wonder why we don’t teach these three simple steps to our children.

Now I understand. When it comes to dieting and keeping the house clean you can’t always do what you feel like doing. You must create new habits. Click here to find out what happened when I tried it!

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Your “Not-To-Do” List!

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

God (of course) has the right idea…it’s not wise to compare ourselves with anyone else.

So often we try to look at what other people are DOING to figure out how to be more like them. We try to find the secrets of their success, blessing and peace by copying them. We wonder why we are doing so much, and don’t see the results of all the “successful” people we try to replicate. What is the problem?

I’m trying to do everything right, but the results are not the same.

It’s okay to learn from the lives of people we admire and want to be more like, but let me explain why doing what they do will never make your life better.

Take Instagram for example. You get lots of ideas of what clever moms are doing, so you squeeze that idea into your already squeezed up day. It only feels like one more thing. Just smashing a new idea on top of the busy life you are already struggling to live, and all you do is feel more stressed.

So how will you ever learn to embrace the same peace and victory these other amazing moms seem to live out so effortlessly. Is it even real?

Yes. It’s real. Those of us who are living the lives that others wish to emulate are really living peaceful and victorious lives. But don’t copy what I do! Why? What I actually do constantly changes and looks totally different from day to day. If you want to experience the victory and success I have, first you must forget about trying to DO things my way.

Who I am, and who I have become, is all wrapped up in WHAT I DON’T DO! It’s not what I do that makes me successful, it all starts with what I am not. It begins with what I say NO to. It is rooted in what I am NOT doing, thinking, watching, trying, eating, listening to, following, and practicing. What makes me who I am is what I’m not. I have had to let go of some many different ideas, beliefs, pressures, time wasters, bad role models, family expectations, requests, and anything that is irrelevant to my calling.

I had to clear away all the distractions, and all the weights to run with endurance the race set before me. Becoming successful, peaceful or victorious begins with a trip to the DUMP. Clear the clutter out of your heart, mind, body, soul, spirit, and get it out of your home, kitchen, fridge, bookshelf and desktop.

Start off empty, clean, and free. Before you think about doing one more thing, consider what you ought to let go of. So as you consider what you want to do in this new school year, change your mindset. Instead of choosing what you want to do this year, make a list of un-resolutions. First decide what you will say no to, and then… Begin again.

Share: What’s on your “Not-To-Do” list this year?

Your “Not-To-Do” list is the list that will bring you so much closer to living the life you envision, for yourself and your family. Choose from these great options to begin planning your “Not-To-Do” list–click the image below to read Linda’s amazing blog post!

Sarah’s Mom Tips: How to Triage

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / 1 Comment

Triage: A process in which things are ranked in terms of importance or priority.

Being a mom of 15, I’ve learned a thing or two about triaging life for our kids. Play, chores, reading, quiet time, research, exploration…all of them are rearranged pretty fluidly for each child. Just as medical professionals triage their patients, evaluating their needs in terms of urgency and precedence, so we homeschooling moms are continually evaluating our kids and what their needs are not only educationally, but also emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Here are some tips that have worked well for us.

As you plan to Fun-School a child under 10, don’t feel like you need to do everything on your list every day.

Listen to your child and watch for what brings them joy -You will learn what subjects and topics your child is passionate about, and those are the ones you should do every day and spend more time on (if the child wants to spend extra time researching their favorite topics).

Many teachers focus the most on the child’s weakness and problem areas. I do not focus more than 20 minutes a day on the problem areas if the lesson or activity burns them out. If reading is a struggle, I use Dyslexia Games, but only 15 minutes a day – unless they want to do more. Usually they like Dyslexia Games, so it isn’t a struggle.

If math is a struggle, use games and calculators, and our book 100 Numbers.

If they seem confused when trying to learn math – stop using a memory approach and teach them the WHY and HOW of numbers. They may need time to mature to be able to grasp new concepts. Children need to understand, not just memorize.

Make a lot of time for play, curiosity and discovery.

Children who are entertained constantly, over scheduled, or are addicted to gaming have a lot of issues. You can avoid MANY problems by making sure your child has time to use their imagination and PLAY without constant electronic stimulation. Kids often opt to be entertained. Boredom is okay and leads to innovation!

Healthy children often can’t sit still for more than 20 minutes at a time. They are wiggly by design, children need to move their bodies while learning.

If there is a topic or book that you want to use that they don’t enjoy, you can let it go OR do the work together OR you do it while the child watches you do it.

Make sure your child watches you write – in print and cursive. That’s what the Mom-School books are for.

Feel free to use audio books in place of reading, so the child can learn on a higher level.

Throw out anything that makes your child miserable when trying to learn. Try the fun and joyful methods. If there is no fun and joyful way to learn, you may be dealing with a maturity issue.

Kids on sugar may seem crazy and out of control.

Kids who do not sleep enough may seem moody and out of control.

Kids who see adults fighting or are exposed to violence on games and movies may seem depressed and unmotivated to learn.

Kids who text all night are often lazy all day. Is your child sleeping with a phone?

Find your child’s passion, and feed it.

It is good for kids to learn to research. Research is an awesome skill, that is learned best when a child studies their passion.

Some of most important things to teach your children involve:

1. Reading

2. Research

3. Relationships

4. Responsibility

5. Resourcefulness

6. Rest & Reflection

Put first things first. Outline your goals for each child and help them grow in the things that really matter.

Sarah’s Mom Tips: “Important” vs. “Necessary”

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

This is a very handy tool for mothers.

Just TWO simple definitions:

The problem with being a homeschooling mom is that we feel so driven to accomplish the things that are defined as “Necessary” that we often push the “Important” things off our plates and procrastinate.

We MUST focus some of our time and energy on the things that are important, and therein you will find JOY!

If your life revolves around doing the things that you “HAVE TO GET DONE OR ELSE!” your life will be full of stress and anxiety and this feeling that you are doing SO MUCH but you don’t have time for what matters.

So often the “Necessary” things wear us out and keep stacking up. Tell me what is SO important about the IMPORTANT things and why is it NECESSARY to focus on the IMPORTANT THINGS TOO?

“Don’t sacrifice the permanent on the altar of the immediate”–good words to consider when weighing this question. Ultimately, what is the lasting thing that I should invest in with my energy and focus?

One important thing? Self care. Your making self care a priority teaches them to do the same.

Get Out of Survival Mode

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / Leave a comment

My husband says we are almost “empty nesters” because five of our adult children have moved out… and we only have TEN left at home!

I was asked a couple of times to share my ideas on how to get out of survival mode and thrive. I quickly wrote down five steps. I hope this helps someone.

First things first:

Number 1: Throw out everyone else’s opinion about what you should be doing with your family, home, body, homeschool, kitchen, job, budget and life style. If they don’t live in your house, their opinion should not drive you, shame you, or be your source of motivation. Sometimes we operate from a place of guilt because we are trying to satisfy someone who can’t be satisfied. This person is usually a family member who is an empty nester, or maybe was a teacher in the past, who knows what’s “best” for your family. Or you could be motivated by an image from Instagram that is totally unrealistic. Who are you following? Who are you trying to please? Are you driven by fear of failure or by a desire to fulfill your purpose and bring joy into your world?

Number 2: What is your purpose? What’s the end goal in raising your children? What’s your vision for your marriage? What are your personal and realistic health goals? Write down your answers and check your life to see if your daily life is in alignment with your goals. Does your husband share these primary goals? Get on the same page. If you are in agreement move on to step 3.

Number 3: Let go of anything you are doing for the wrong reason. Let go of anything that isn’t working. Let go of the unhealthy things that you may have lost control of… like things that waste time, wear you out, and compromise your health.

Number 4: After taking time to clean out your life of anything that keeps you from meeting your goals and living your purpose, you will be ready to add in some good stuff. But you CANNOT ADD until you subtract. So now that you dumped the time wasters and gave up a couple unhealthy habits, and stopped listening to the control freaks who love you… you are ready for your purpose. Start by planning just two hours a week to focus on your purpose: that meaningful something that matters so much to you.

Number 5: Get total control of your daily accomplishments. Start choosing to focus daily on what is important, instead of being in survival mode, where we scramble to do what is absolutely necessary. Once you get control of your daily life you can start making room for bigger dreams, bigger projects, a bigger mission. But remember there is nothing more important than nurturing a family. Nurture your family with a vision for the future and let one of your greatest goals for each member of the family be to help each one discover and pursue their life’s purpose. This includes your purpose along with your husband’s. You are more than parents, you are a team to raise a family and make a difference in this world, in your community or whatever.

When you are in survival mode, it’s impossible to think much about the rest of the world because your own world is barely hanging in there. So why are we in survival mode? Because we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our children. Because we are being shamed by Instagram and “people who care”? Because we are wasting too much time? Because we have no energy as a result of eating junk food, and we don’t sleep? Because we take on homeschooling methods that sap the life out of us and make our kids miserable? Because we are too tired to bless our husbands? Because we have preschoolers and babies?

I’m just writing what popped into my head. I hope it helped someone.

One last thing–turn off the noise. Turn on peaceful music and light a candle. It only takes a moment but can totally change the mood in your home to help everyone settle down and refocus.

Homeschooling Moms CAN and MUST Make Time for Self-Care

/ Sarah Janisse Brown / 1 Comment

I’m a “HAPPY” mom of 15 kids. Five are dyslexic and some are hyper-active. Five of my kids are adopted internationally.

I’m busy. I homeschool. I keep this house running. I’m also a work-at-home mom. I’m currently homeschooling ten.

Since I am constantly giving, leading, and orchestrating around here, I need to be renewed and refreshed!

I make time for what matters! Self care matters! This is why I have a lot of time dedicated to Mom-School, because I can’t pour from an empty cup!

I hear so many of you drowning and struggling with feeling empty and overwhelmed.

It’s often because you don’t take care of your own needs for quiet time with God and personal learning and hobbies. You are running on empty.

Mom-School is one of the most important elements of successful Homeschooling!

It’s the example of BEING a passionate “learner” that SHOWS my kids what it means pursue “self motivated education” in a positive way.

You can say you don’t have time. Truth is, you have priorities. You don’t MAKE time because Mom-Guilt keeps you focused on giving giving giving… without taking care of your own needs. And then complaining that you are unsatisfied with yourself and with your husband… for not doing enough to help you and support you. And you think your kids are failing because you don’t do enough for them. But really, you don’t do enough for you. You are neglecting your own simple needs for nourishment of body, mind and spirit.

Why?

Because homeschooling moms with large families think life is nothing but sacrifice and suffering in silence and the kids look at your frazzled life and style and don’t want it. How do I know this?

Because I lived it. Why? Because none of my peers showed me another way. All my mom-friends were burnt out too, trying to be noble. This is especially true of Christian homeschooling moms.

And I watched a slow burning of all joy and passion darken their lives.

So often homeschooling support groups on Facebook are on fire with the cry of burnt-out moms who are trying so hard to give it all and do it all… for love.

One day, when I was a mom of eight kids under ten years old I realized I AM NOT too busy to enjoy my life and marriage, I just didn’t know how to manage my 16 waking hours well. Isn’t it enough to spend 2 hours cooking and cleaning, and four hours focused on homeschooling? And of course I was wearing a couple of babies!!! But where did the time go? Sixteen hours is a lot!!!! And that still leaves 8 for sleep!!!

What was I doing with my 16 hours??? Being wasteful.

What if I had 14 hours to pour it all out for my kids… and just TWO to spend on myself???? Can I give myself two hours of my day? Yes. Can I give my husband ONE? Yes, that leaves 13 for homemaking! What if I give a half hour of my day to God? That’s more than I was when I didn’t realize I had 16 hours to manage!

So now… 30 minutes for God. One whole hour (at least) for my husband. TWO hours for me! A half hour here and there!!! This is NOT being unrealistic. It’s being intentional!

Yeah… and 5 hours for social media!!!! Just kidding!

I also work a few days a week, and when my kids were little I had to get help to have time in the home-office, because we didn’t have a TV.

Even though I have a house full of high maintenance kids I still spend a lot of time enjoying my passions, studying my interests. My kids are very curious by my example of learning! Seeing me doing Mom-School inspires them in their learning.

I do my own thing, and sometimes they jump in. Always they observe.

I do my hobbies right in the middle of everything, surrounded by my children. They get involved, watch or do their own stuff. My little kids play a lot, and all my kids play with each other. Since they are all a year or two apart they are really good at entertaining each other.

How did I ever get a break when my kids were young?

It was hardest when I had 3 under 3!!!! My husband would give me four hours each Friday for myself. There were times I would also trade childcare with my sister or another mom. During one season in life when I had six little ones, my dear friend, in her 50’s, who missed babies and had no grands, would come play with my kids. Sometimes teens would help me. When my 4th was born, a college girl came over to help a few afternoons each week.

I didn’t always have extra help, so I focused on hobbies and interests I could do in the middle of it all.

If a mom of 15, who also runs a publishing company can make time for self care and Mom-School, anyone can! And yes, even with toddlers and babies. There is a way!

Share your tips for self care in the comments!